5 Very Common Problem Behaviors and What to Do to Help
In behavior therapy we see a lot of unusual behaviors, but we also see very common behaviors.
Five of the most common behaviors we see in the home or at school are throwing a meltdown tantrum, self-injury, attacking others, transition behaviors, and routine/play-based behaviors.
Here are 5 things you can do to help:
1. The child throws a tantrum at home or in public.
Tantrums can be very difficult to deal with, especially when they occur in public. It is important to remember that your reaction to the situation now will influence it in the future.
What can you do?
First and foremost, insure that the child is safe. Remove other people from the area (if possible) and any potential hazards. The idea here is to allow your child to wear him or herself out. The second step is for you to remain calm. This is much easier said than done. Reminding yourself that your anger and frustration serves no positive purpose in this situation may help. This includes maintaining your cool if your child chooses to name call or try to instigate an argument with you. Wait to talk to your child when you are both calm, and give consequences only for the behavior, not the emotion. (For example, say, it is okay to be angry, but it is not okay to throw things. You are not allowed to use the iPad because you threw your plate.)
2. The child hits/bites/injures him or herself.
Children engage in self-injurious behaviors for a variety of reasons. Some potential causes may include aversion to the current situation or circumstances, feelings of insecurity or guilt, or anger directed at self or others.
What can you do?
Fortunately, these kinds of behaviors usually stop in a relatively short time frame. This does not mean, however, that they should be ignored. One on one attention may help stop these issues. As soon as you see the child engaging in these behaviors, gently pull him or her into your lap and prevent him from hurting himself. Explain that you don’t want him to hurt himself because you love him. Even if the child is demonstrating signs of anger, you are effectively communicating that you care, which can often go a long way in combating these types of issues.
3. The child hits/bites/injures others.
Hitting and biting are often manifestations of an inability to communicate in small children and those with developmental disabilities. Other times, these actions serve a function of demonstrating anger or getting what the child wants. Regardless of the reason, such acts of aggression can be extremely frustrating for a parent.
What can you do?
In an ideal world, we could be able to prevent these behaviors before they occur. One way to do this is to set a good example. When your child is young, do not lightly bite their fingers, hands, or feet during play time. This sends a mixed message that can be confusing to the child. Additionally, being vigilant and aware of a situation can help to prevent acts of aggression. Watch as your child plays with other children. Is a dispute over a toy occurring? Is your child grumpy or tired? Being aware of your child’s tendencies and moods can help you prevent him or her from lashing out. After the behavior has occurred, consistency is key. Say, “We do not bite. Biting hurts,” and remove the child from the situation is possible. Keep your voice low and calm. Remind your child that his playmates are his friends. Do not allow them to keep toys they have aggressively snatched from others. This sends a clear message that such acts are not an effective way to get what you want.
4. The child tantrums during transitions.
Transitions are difficult for a lot of kiddos. Maybe your child does not want to stop playing to go to the grocery store, or perhaps he does not want to leave gym for lunchtime.
What can you do?
The best way to deal with this issue is giving adequate warning of these transitions. Giving your child a five-minute warning is a good way to remind them that they will have to transition soon. Timers can also be extremely helpful, as they provide an auditory cue of the change. Visual timers are also really helpful, as they visually display the amount of time remaining.
5. The child struggles with routines during playtime with other children.
An obsession with sameness is a typical difficulty associated with autism spectrum disorders. This can manifest in rituals like lining up toys, specific order of events, or scripting. Often, they have rigid ideas of how playtime should go and what scripts should be following. Deviation from these scripts and routines may result in a meltdown.
What can you do?
If you are able, communicating about this issue before it arises may be helpful in combating it. For example, if a play date is imminent, reminding your child that he does not get to control everyone during playtime may be all that is needed. Positive reinforcement, such as social praise or the use of a favorite toy or book, may also encourage increased tolerance of alterations to the child’s routines.
Kaylee Kapalko, Speech-Language Pathology Intern